Education

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States You Shouldn’t Be Caught Dead In

As the director of the Funeral Consumers Alliance, I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly — from so-called regulatory boards that ignore consumer complaints to law-makers who’ve decided you don’t have the right to buy reasonably priced caskets, or even skip the funeral home and do it yourself. Here’s five of the worst offenders: Read the rest of this entry »

Lamar Hankins <lamarhankins@mac.com> is a lawyer in Texas and a board member of the Funeral Consumer Alliance. Recently he was asked if a family has the right to cremate a body using a funeral pyre. Here is his reply:
Read the rest of this entry »

A small, but growing, group of activists seeks to reform the funeral industry.

by Brendan Kiley

Newsweek Web Exclusive

Jul 3, 2008

James Green is dead. He’s lying on a classroom table—eyes closed, hands across his chest—while Donna Belk, who lectures on do-it-yourself funerals, explains how to wash a corpse at home. “In my experience, bodies leak a negligible amount of fluid, but you may want to put a plastic sheet down, just in case.” She turns to Green: “You don’t have to do any leaking.” The ersatz corpse cracks a smile and the dozen students in the room shout, “He’s alive! He’s alive!”

Read the rest of this entry »

While providing after-death care for your loved one it is important to pause and take moments to be present with the experience. Doing little things to appreciate your loved one can create a special memory for years to come.

Here are some ideas for doing that, but it is more important that you do what is comfortable and appropriate for your family:

• write a note about your loved one and put it in their coffin
• when it is time to close the coffin, pause before you cover the face of your loved one to look at them one last time. Perhaps you want to cover their face yourself or put a beautiful scarf or piece of lace over their face.
• have a leave taking ceremony where you speak a memory or thought before the coffin leaves your home
• speak the lineage of the loved one. Example: son of John Doe and Mary Smith Doe, brother to Mildred and Michael Doe, father of Leo and Charles and Catherine Doe, etc.
• list the kindnesses you can remember your loved one doing and say them or write them on their coffin
• place a small table by the deceased and put rose petals on the table with their wedding ring or favorite jewelry resting in a rose peteal
• trace your hand print on the casket and fill it in with words or art to express your love for the deceased
• bless the body of the loved one. Example: We appreciate and bless your lips which have said such kind words to us and spoken your truth. We bless your hands that have served us through the years and have cared for us so deeply.
• hold a vigil letting friends and loved ones know the “Calling Hours”

You do not have to limit yourself to one memorial service. Take as many opportunities as you can to create a special moment of reflection. Doing this will nourish your memory for years.

When you are arranging a home funeral you may want to do all the services yourself, or you may want to have the help of a traditional funeral home. For example, if you are waiting for a relative to come in from overseas and need to postpone burial for a week, you may want the body cooled at a funeral home after the first couple of days. Or if a body is badly disfigured, you may want the services of a funeral home to restore a more normal appearance to your loved one.
For example here are some services a funeral home can provide a la carte and approximate prices:

• $100 file the legal forms (Report of Death, Death Certificate, Medical Examiner’s Authority to Cremate and Burial-Transit Permit). Required forms will vary from state to state, this is only an example.
• $325 cremation
• $ 50 cremation container (cardboard sides and top with plywood bottom)
• $250 transport the body from home or facility to funeral home or crematory

There is not a right or a wrong way to do a home funeral. It is sometimes useful to have the assistance of a funeral home if it helps things go more smoothly for the family. But remember they are a business and be clear in your agreements and understandings.

Regarding home funerals…

Fear of having the body nearby is the hard issue. Families are concerned about odor and seeing the body deteriorate. They’re afraid it will melt right in front of their eyes. Over a couple of days the body does change, usually in subtle ways. It starts to look more like a shell. But having a wake and caring for the body in the home is the way we used to do it. Read the rest of this entry »

“Passing Through Our Hands” is a guide to home funeral care. The video starts from when the person dies and covers how to wash the body, dress and layout the body, hold a vigil, how to move the body into a coffin. The video also includes printed guidellines in addition to the video training.

Cost of the video is $15. If you would like a copy, please visit our “Order” page.

You can’t take it with you, but you may not want to give thousands to a funeral home and florists. Talk to your loved ones about their wishes and tell them yours. Read the rest of this entry »

Reclaiming the realities and rituals of death

By Nancy Rommelmann
LA Times, 2/06/05

For centuries in America, we tended to our dead. People died at home, and relatives prepared the body, laid it out in the parlor and sat by as callers paid final respects. The body was buried in the family cemetery, if there was one, or on the back 40; pieties were spoken, and life went on until the next person died. Death, if not a welcome visitor, was a familiar one. Read the rest of this entry »

ChrisTina Leimer: Because of my research on how American funeral and memorial practices are changing, I’ve known about your work for a few years. I’d like to talk a little about what a home funeral is and why people do it so readers can consider whether this would be a good option for them. Read the rest of this entry »