Education

Here is a brief illustration of services offered by a Home Funeral Guide:

Home funeral assistance is sought by those dealing with an unexpected death as well as individuals and families with imminent or future needs. I have acted as an educator, providing information that would help fulfill their wish to take control of either their own or a loved one’s end of life experience. And, I have acted as a guide to assist them in carrying out their wish.

My experience has been with people under hospice care either at home or in a hospice facility. This has allowed me to meet with the individual in advance. To the dying I represent a safe and neutral person with whom to communicate. It is possible they do not want to burden their families with questions and requests pertaining to what will happen after their death – questions of a practical nature as well as philosophical. If applicable, and with permission, I relate any pertinent information to the family. I meet with the person as often as requested and find this to be the most personally rewarding aspect of the support I offer.

I also meet with the family to address the practical aspects of what, in terms of paperwork they need (such as death certificate and transportation document) as well as how and where to obtain the documents. I offer to coordinate a time line of who is doing what and when. Together we may create a plan for the ceremony, if there is to be one.

I am available to sit vigil with the family as death nears. After death I may then instruct and support the family in the process of washing and preparing the body. I do not perform the washing of the body myself. My participation simply serves to empower the family through instruction and attentive support to carry out this simple ritual in a steadfast atmosphere. A family may prefer to conduct this ritual in privacy without assistance using a protocol we have discussed in advance.

A service may or may not be held at the discretion of the deceased and their family. If they wish, a burial box, or cardboard box for a cremation, may be decorated by attendees and their written remembrances, thoughts and wishes placed inside to accompany the body. If they wish, I will join them as they transport the deceased to the cemetery or crematorium.

As a Home Funeral Guide we serve as facilitators. The family’s desire to participate directly and intimately in the end of life experience is the motivation for our service.

DATE: January 17, 2010
FROM:  Nancy Ward, Sacred Endings

Compassion & Choices, a national nonprofit organization dedicated to improving care and patients’ choices at the end of life, today released its Seven Principles for Patient-Centered End-of-Life Care and urged that they guide health care reform. ” Read the rest of this entry »

Undertaken with Love: A Home Funeral Guide for Congregations and Communities is intended for:

* Congregational committees that form to support home funerals for their members
* Pastors and other spiritual leaders contemplating a home funeral ministry
* Secular social groups that form to support home funerals for their members
* The families themselves

Presented in a study guide format for six weekly or monthly self-training sessions, Undertaken With Love describes how to start a home funeral committee; how to research and identify your legal rights, options and responsibilities; how to handle, bathe and transport the body; and how to sustain an effective home funeral committee.

Read the rest of this entry »

Lamar Hankins <lamarhankins@mac.com> is a lawyer in Texas and a board member of the Funeral Consumer Alliance. Recently he was asked if a family has the right to cremate a body using a funeral pyre. Here is his reply:
Read the rest of this entry »

While providing after-death care for your loved one it is important to pause and take moments to be present with the experience. Doing little things to appreciate your loved one can create a special memory for years to come.

Here are some ideas for doing that, but it is more important that you do what is comfortable and appropriate for your family:

• write a note about or to your loved one and put it in their coffin
• when it is time to close the coffin, pause and take some time to look at them one last time. You could create a final gesture of parting by placing a beautiful scarf or piece of lace over the face, and saying a few words.
• create a leave-taking ceremony where you speak a memory or other meaningful words before the coffin leaves your home
• speak the lineage of the loved one. For example:  son of John Doe and Mary Smith Doe, brother to Mildred and Michael Doe, father of Leo and Charles and Catherine Doe, etc.
• list the kindnesses you can remember your loved one doing and say them or write them on their coffin
• place a small table by the deceased and put a rose petal on it with her wedding ring or favorite jewelry resting on it.
• trace your hand print on the casket and fill it in with words or art to express your love for the deceased
• bless the body of the loved one. Example: We appreciate and bless your lips which have said such kind words to us and spoken your truth. We bless your hands that have served us through the years and have cared for us so deeply.
• hold a vigil letting friends and loved ones know the “Calling Hours”

You do not have to limit yourself to one memorial service. Take as many opportunities as you would like to create  special moments of reflection, spontaneous rituals.  Doing this will nourish your memories for years.

When you are arranging a home funeral you may want to do all the services yourself, or you may want to have the help of a traditional funeral home. For example, if you are waiting for a relative to come in from overseas and need to postpone burial for a week, you may want the body cooled at a funeral home after the first couple of days. Or if a body is badly disfigured, you may want the services of a funeral home to restore a more normal appearance to your loved one.
For example here are some services a funeral home can provide a la carte and approximate prices:

• $100 file the legal forms (Report of Death, Death Certificate, Medical Examiner’s Authority to Cremate and Burial-Transit Permit). Required forms will vary from state to state, this is only an example.
• $325 cremation
• $ 50 cremation container (cardboard sides and top with plywood bottom)
• $250 transport the body from home or facility to funeral home or crematory

There is not a right or a wrong way to do a home funeral. It is sometimes useful to have the assistance of a funeral home if it helps things go more smoothly for the family. But remember they are a business and be clear in your agreements and understandings.

Regarding home funerals…

Fear of having the body nearby is the hard issue. Families are concerned about odor and seeing the body deteriorate. They’re afraid it will melt right in front of their eyes. Over a couple of days the body does change, usually in subtle ways. It starts to look more like a shell. But having a wake and caring for the body in the home is the way we used to do it. Read the rest of this entry »

“Passing Through Our Hands” is a guide to home funeral care. The video starts from when the person dies and covers how to wash the body, dress and layout the body, hold a vigil, how to move the body into a coffin. The video also includes printed guidellines in addition to the video training.

Cost of the video is $15. If you would like a copy, please visit our “Order” page.

You can’t take it with you, but you may not want to give thousands to a funeral home and florists. Talk to your loved ones about their wishes and tell them yours. Read the rest of this entry »

Reclaiming the realities and rituals of death

By Nancy Rommelmann
LA Times, 2/06/05

For centuries in America, we tended to our dead. People died at home, and relatives prepared the body, laid it out in the parlor and sat by as callers paid final respects. The body was buried in the family cemetery, if there was one, or on the back 40; pieties were spoken, and life went on until the next person died. Death, if not a welcome visitor, was a familiar one. Read the rest of this entry »

ChrisTina Leimer: Because of my research on how American funeral and memorial practices are changing, I’ve known about your work for a few years. I’d like to talk a little about what a home funeral is and why people do it so readers can consider whether this would be a good option for them. Read the rest of this entry »